The Pressure of Perfection (part 2)

Embracing Your Imperfection

Yep.. that's right, you're imperfect, but guess what, so am I, so are your role models and so is everybody else.

In my last blog post I really just skimmed the surface of how social media, and how we are wired, can set us up to strive for that impossible perfection. I think an important part of releasing ourselves from the weight of that is to identify, acknowledge and embrace our imperfections. This doesn't mean that if a couple of your imperfections are that you're rude and horrible to people that you should embrace them - that's the kind of rubbish you work through sorting out... that's not OK...

We have to accept that we aren't always going to hit the mark, but that wherever we're at we ALL have a lot of good to give - yes, even that horrible girl who's been awful to you for years - she has something good to give too.

Something I have found really interesting and helpful in learning about myself is taking personality tests. There are a load of different types of personality tests but I think one of the most popular and easiest to understand is the Myers Briggs test. If you haven't heard of the Myers Briggs test it's a questionnaire you fill in that then indicates your psychological preferences for how you make decisions and perceive the world. Of course, to get an accurate answer you need to answer honestly, which can be hard. You can take this test online (I would recommend using https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and then you can read up on your personality type including how you relate to friends and family, how you might act in the work place, career wise and more. It also highlights some of you strengths and weakness and can be very revealing - I laughed quite a lot at how accurate it was. Sometimes it's really helpful to see some of your tendencies explained, both the good and bad, and why. Obviously there's a bigger variety of character's in the world than 16... these types are just indicators of how we might process things so don't let your answer let you feel like you've been confined to it's assessment, but use the bit that you can agree with and let it help you to assess where you are and what you want to change or work on - knowing why you behave a certain way is really important if you are wanting to change it for good. Lastly on the personality tests, sometimes it can be helpful to let a friend or family member read through the information on your type after the test as they can sometimes see things more clearly than you - it can also help strengthen relationships when we can understand why people behave the way they do, again in the good and the bad.

As we all know, each one of us is on a journey and have different gifts, talents and downfalls, but we often don't know what's really going on with people behind the scenes - so be kind and try and be gracious. The journey itself, like any adventure, can be hard, tough and wild sometimes but there's definitely beauty in it, even if we only see it in hindsight.

(from Pinterest)



Never underestimate the power of vulnerability and humility. Don't be ashamed when you're struggling, don't fear asking for help, admit you're wrong when you need to and don't be too proud to apologise. Some of the strongest people I know let tears flow freely and admit when they're fearful. They're aware of their weaknesses but don't let them define them, and they say sorry when it's right to however hard it is to say.

Remember we're all imperfect, all fighting demons and in the words of High School Musical... we;re all in this together.

Yours faithfully,
Jen x

The Pressure of Perfection (part 1)

After staring at my wardrobe for what seemed like forever, and trying on a good 5 or so outfits I settled with what I was going to wear for the day.

No, this isn't going to be a post about fashion, or how to have a capsule wardrobe (though I would love to nail that!), it's a post about the pressure we put on ourselves to appear *insert word here*...

The word could be "stylish", "on trend", "effortless", "cute", "sporty", "confident". How we appear... perfect.

We don't limit this to clothes either, we do this when it comes to exams, school, in our hobbies or sports groups, in social situations and even around friends and family.

Why?! Why do we do this to ourselves?

I think there's a number of reasons but here are a couple...

1. Comparison

We are constantly exposed to snippets of the "ideal" life, body, partner, you name it, through social media. Yes, we have struggled with unachievable advertising for years but when I was a teenager magazines and celebrities were pretty much the only big factors; yes like anyone else I compared myself to friends or others in school, but I could seen them in full light, not just an edited snippet.

Nowadays (how old do I sound?!) we are bombarded with fake perfection as we are constantly connected to the world of social media. Don't get me wrong, I love social media - it's creative, inspiring, feel-good, and informative. But it can also be used negatively, not just through cyber bullying and awful content but by giving us a false sense of what is real. We see edited pictures, the best bits of someone's life, we see people at their best angle and we see effortless chic and style, but what we don't see is that that selfie you would love to look like was actually their 421st attempt at that shot. We don't see a lot of what really goes on in someones life, which is totally normal - but we can be tricked in to thinking those hard days don't exist for that perfect Instagrammer or Vlogger.

For my dissertation at Uni I did a research project into the affects Instagram has on self-esteem in teenage girls. My findings confirmed what I had assumed - comparison was soo high! Even when they were aware that posts were edited and did not show real life, they feel victim to the "they're much better at make-up than me", "they're much more confident", "they have so many friends and no-one really likes me".

Sound familiar? I'm no longer a teenager but I definitely still have my moments...




2.Who Am I?

Not to get all educational and boring, but from toddlers we have been going through moral development - this is where we figure out what is "right" or "wrong", where we form our beliefs or values, our principles and our behaviours - and did you know during our teenage years our moral development brings us to the stage where our biggest question is "Who am I?!

If you're a teenager and you're reading this perhaps you totally get it and you're really aware that you've been asking yourself that question for a while now, or perhaps you didn't know and now a few things make sense... this is the stage we figure out what we have to offer the world, what part we have to place, and naturally to assess that we compare.

Comparison will always be part of how we judge things; to compare against something else. But let's learn to love ourselves a little better on the way to figuring out exactly who we are, and what we have to give to the world.

Remember we are all figuring it out and the truth is we all have something incredible and unique to offer, and sometimes that comparison or strive for perfection only sends us in the wrong direction to finding out what, or who, we really are.

It took me 5 outfits and a stress fit later to decide on an outfit, to then sit in John Lewis Cafe doing some work for 2 hours where no-one cared about what I looked like... I'd like to start using my time for better things...

Yours faithfully,

Jen